“Growing in Grace” Couples’ Devotional | Day 1

Paul’s letter to the Philippian church contains a great deal of counsel in developing a Christlike character, especially in the context of our relationships with others. Throughout this devotional series we’ll be using this counsel to reflect upon our marriages; seeking to learn how we can grow in grace towards our spouses and fulfill God’s perfect will in our relationship. If you are married, I encourage you to go through these studies with your spouse, and pray you’ll be abundantly blessed in doing so. If you’re not married, reflecting independently upon these studies can provide you with a wonderful foundation for a future relationship, if that’s God’s will for you!

Day 1 | Philippians 1:1-7

“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace.”

Grace & Faith

I invite you to consider how Paul’s love is expressed towards the members of the Philippian church in this greeting. All of these features should be present in the way we express love towards our spouses as well.

Grace to You

Do you extend the same grace to your spouse as you do to others?… As you reflect on this question, if you have to answer “no,” I commend you for being honest with yourself. Where there is humility, God can step in and do His thing! And if you think the answer is “yes,” I pray that that is true! But one way we can test ourselves on this point, is to take note of the way we pray for our spouse. Notice how Paul prayed for his brothers & sisters…

He thanked God upon every remembrance of them.
He made requests for them with joy.
He had confidence that God would complete the good work He had begun in them.

Do you thank God every time your spouse comes to your mind? Is each request for them being made with joy in your heart? Do you confidently praise God for the finished work you yet cannot see?

It’s often easier to pray in this way for someone who’s a bit further removed from our day-to-day experience. It can certainly be much harder to have this calm, joyful, and faith-filled mindset while praying for the person whose behaviours affect our daily life more than anyone else, but that is why trials with our spouse can be the greatest way to test and strengthen our faith.

When we notice a character flaw or weakness in our spouse, the enemy can tempt us to become frustrated because they’re not “perfect” today. But God simply asks us to bring the issue to Him in prayer, and trust Him to finish the work He’s started. Instead of nit picking at every small irritation, we can focus our energy on praising God for how far He’s brought them, and thanking and encouraging them in all the positive things they do.

The way that we react to our spouses’ shortcomings actually has very little to do with them, and has everything to do with our faith and trust in God. If we can “walk by faith and not by sight” with our spouse (as Jesus does with us!), we will see them not for who they are today, but for who they can become under God’s transforming hand.

The second very important question to reflect upon is: Are we extending this same grace to ourselves?

Do we get discouraged or despondent when we feel we’ve let our spouse down, or are not meeting certain expectations of what it means to be a good husband or wife? Do we let ourselves be tempted with the thought that someone else would make a better partner for our spouse because of our shortcomings?…

Conviction and true (often sorrowful) repentance are necessary for overcoming sinful traits or habits, but harbouring negative feelings about our own shortcomings and doubting our ability to be the spouse God has called us to be reveals that we are not taking hold of His grace in our life. Preventing ourselves from receiving His grace, forgiveness, and healing feeds the growth of insecurities that are just as damaging to a relationship as not extending grace to our partner. We must not allow the weight of our faults to crush us with guilt, but focus on praising God for how far He’s brought us from who we used to be, and trusting in His power to continue transforming us into His image.

No matter where you and your spouse are at in your spiritual journey, it is vital that you trust in God’s plan, power, and timing in all things.

Believe that you are the ones God has chosen for each other, for the purpose of testing, refining, encouraging, ennobling, and finishing the work He’s begun in you! Begin each day by thanking God that you have the privilege of being partakers together of His grace.